Your mother may be great. She may make the best pies, send the best care packages, tell the best bedtime stories — whatever. But is she the best? Is she really Mother of the Year material? To answer this question, Bracketology has assembled sixteen masters of matriarchy to compete in a no-holds-barred Mother’s Day Massacre. Let’s go, girls.

SWEET SIXTEEN

1. Mother Nature vs. 16. Mama Celeste

Mother Nature’s gifts are abundant and wonderful: trees, water, grass, stalagmites, stalagtites, gold, plums, quicksand — so much goodness. Yet Mama Celeste provides us with something even better: delicious bite-sized frozen pizzas! Celeste was essentially a second mother to me throughout elementary school…but I guess I’ll begrudgingly go with Mother Nature since, after all, she is the reason we have fake tomato sauce and cheese to begin with.

EDGE: Mother Nature.

8. A female grizzly bear vs. 9. Mama Bear

There is no questioning the average mother bear’s devotion: female grizzlies protecting their cubs make up 70% of all grizzly-human fatalities. But can the average mama bear compete with Mama Bear of the Berenstain Bears? Hell no. Mama single-handedly cured her family of “the gimmies,” taught us to not be racist towards pandas and pleased Papa every night.

EDGE: Mama Bear.

5. Mrs. Robinson vs. 12. Lorelai Gilmore

Two totally unrealistic moms. “The Gilmore Girls” has somehow convinced every mother-teenage daughter combo in the country that they too are “just like sisters!” Mrs. Robinson’s seductive ways in the “The Graduate” are similarly implausible, but at least her situation is more appealing. If you, dear reader, have found your own Mrs. Robinson, well then…here’s to you.

EDGE: Mrs. Robinson.

4. Your Mom vs. 13. Estelle Costanza

Both your mom and George Costanza’s mom (“Seinfeld”) are equally annoying and intrusive. Both have seen you doing unspeakable things. But your mom loves you deep down. George’s Mom…well, I’m not so sure she does.

EDGE: Your mom.

3. Mother Goose vs. 14. Grendel’s Mom

Mother Goose is great for stories and rhymes, but she sucks as an actual mom. Nothing wrong with being career-oriented, but still. On the other hand, Grendel’s Mom has only one thing on her mind: using Beowulf’s semen to make monster babies. Now that’s dedication.

EDGE: Grendel’s Mom

6. Mrs. Weasley vs. 11. Mrs. Potts

Molly Weasley does it all for her children: she knits them sweaters, kills Death Eaters for them and even has that slightly disturbing magical clock that shows where they are at all times. Conversely, Mrs. Potts (the teapot from “Beauty and the Beast”) doesn’t seem to care about any of her cup children except for Chip. I do not condone playing favorites. I cannot reward that blatant cupism.

EDGE: Mrs. Weasley.

7. Jocasta vs. 10. Lorraine McFly

Lorraine McFly from “Back to the Future” represents Marty’s Oedipal nightmare. Jocasta is Oedipus’ nightmare. Even worse, she became a mom again via Oedipus. So why does she advance? Because I like saying “Jocasta.” Try it:

Joe-cahs-tahhhhh. I’m so easy.

EDGE: Jocasta.

2. Mother Teresa vs. 15. Juno

Teresa is the Mother of India. Juno is the mother of indie movies. I’m going to go with the one that annoys me less

EDGE: Mama Teresa.

ELITE EIGHT

1. Mother Nature vs. 9. Mama Bear

Between global warming, hurricanes and putting all the good oil in the Middle East, Mother Nature has made things pretty rough on her children. Not so with Mama Bear. She’s always good for a backscratch and a warm glass of honey when you need it most.

EDGE: Mama Bear.

5. Mrs. Robinson vs. 4. Your Mom

Mrs. Robinson may be the MILFiest woman in movie history. But I did your mom last night.

EDGE: Your Mom.

14. Grendel’s Mom vs. 6. Mrs. Weasley

If this was Mrs. Weasley vs. Angelina “More Cambodian refugees, please” Jolie, it might be a tough call. But no. It’s Mrs. Weasley against naked Angelina Jolie with a scorpion tail. I wouldn’t want my mom to be nude or arthropodic, let alone both.

EDGE: Mrs. Weasley.

7. Jocasta vs. 2. Mother Teresa

Not incest > incest.

EDGE: Teresa.

FINAL FOUR

9. Mama Bear vs. 4. Your Mom

Mama Bear is great, but who read you “The Berenstain Bears?” That’s right, your mom. (Also, your mom’s hotter. Just sayin’.)

EDGE: Your Mom.

6. Mrs. Weasley vs. 2. Mother Teresa

Would Mother Teresa ever have defended one of her Indian orphans by screaming “not my daughter, you bitch!” No way. Easy call.

EDGE: Mrs. Weasley.

CHAMPIONSHIP

4. Your Mom vs. 6. Mrs. Weasley

Molly Weasley may well be the best fictional mom ever. But your mom exists, and she made you. While this may be one of those hokey decisions like when Time Magazine made “You” (Us!) the person of the year in 2006, just bear with me. Call your mom up right now and have a non-fighting conversation. It’s her day.

CHAMP: Your Mom.

MVP: Birth canal.