Summer is never as much fun as you think it’ll be. Boredom abounds. Sunscreen sucks. There’s never really a girl’s cabin across the lake. Our one escape from the constant disappointment is the world of fiction: summer blockbusters and groovy tunes glorify the season as a time for surfing, sex and switching places with your long-lost twin. This week, Bracketology selects the best fictional summer ever. Study it, emulate it, and you just might have fun, fun, fun.

SWEET SIXTEEN

1. Beach Boys songs vs. 16. “The Lizzie McGuire Movie”

For anyone who’s ever wanted to spend their summer like Lizzie, switching places with an Italian pop star and riding around on a Vespa with a cute boy — congratulations, you’re a 12-year old girl and everyone hates you. For normal people, an awesome summer follows the Beach Boys’ formula: good waves, good girls and lots and lots of prescription drugs! (Okay, 2/3. Still.)

EDGE: Beach Boys.

8. “School’s Out For Summer” vs. 9. “Summer of ‘69”

Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out For Summer” is the perfect anthem for all those times you thought you would celebrate as the final school bell rang but never did. Bryan Adams’s “Summer of ‘69” is the ideal song for all those fake summer memories you’d like to think you had with your friends. Tiebreaker? Innuendo. “‘69” wins.

EDGE: “‘69.”

5. “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” vs. 12. “The Parent Trap”

In Shakespeare’s classic, bitchy fairies turn young lovers against each other. In the Lohan classic, bitchy little girls bring their middle-aged parents together. As partial as I am to the secret butler handshake, it’s hard to ignore the Bard’s cultural significance. It’s not as if “The Parent Trap” is being performed on campus this very weekend. (It should be, though.)

EDGE: “Midsummer.”

4. “Independence Day” vs. 13. “Summertime”

Will Smith is officially the King of Summer, and “Independence Day” is his seminal cinematic spectacular. But to me, the Fresh Prince’s magnum opus is the family-friendly rap “Summertime.” And no, DJ Jazzy Jeff, I’m not giving you any credit.

EDGE: “Summertime.”

3. “Jaws” vs. 14. “Heavyweights”

Which of these movies presents the more terrifying scenario: “Jaws” and its gargantuan, boat-chomping, lover-devouring great white shark, or “Heavyweights,” in which the world’s greatest fat camp becomes a fitness-obsessed prison? The Judd Apatow-written (seriously!) “Heavyweights” does feature the greatest summer innovation since the air conditioner (YouTube “Heavyweights + The Blob” now), but “Jaws” is the original blockbuster.

EDGE: “Jaws”

6. “Stand By Me” vs. 11. “The Sandlot”

If I could trade my childhood memories for the ones the kids had in these movies, I totally would. I feel deprived because I never got chased by a big scary dog. I never saw a dead body. And, most regrettably, I never fake-drowned in order to make out with a hot lifeguard

EDGE: “The Sandlot.”

7. “Dirty Dancing” vs. 10. “Almost Famous”

Both of these movies perfectly encapsulate what summer is all about: gaining independence from your parents, going on crazy vacations and losing your virginity (come on, Patrick Swayze and Baby totally did it). Final verdict? Dancing Swayze > “Tiny Dancer.”

EDGE: “Dirty Dancing.”

2. “Summer Nights” vs. 15. “Salute Your Shorts”

To me, the ultimate summer camp has always been Camp Anawanna from Nickelodeon’s “Salute Your Shorts.” You haven’t officially grown up until you’ve received an Awful Waffle. But as far as influence goes, well, has a karaoke night ever gone by without someone singing “Summer Nights” from “Grease”?

EDGE: “Summer Nights.”

ELITE EIGHT

1. The Beach Boys vs. 9. “Summer of ‘69”

Bryan Adams made one song about summer memories. The Beach Boys are summer memories.

EDGE: Beach Boys.

5. “Midsummer” vs. 13. “Summertime”

It’s hard to imagine anything more fun than chilling with scantily clad girls at a barbecue...oh, right. Chilling with scantily clad fairies all the time.

EDGE: “Midsummer.”

3. “Jaws” vs. 11. “The Sandlot”

The shark in “Jaws” is scary, sure. But it’s nothing compared to the-the-the-the...the BEAST!

EDGE: “Sandlot.”

7. “Dirty Dancing” vs. 2. “Summer Nights”

A virtual deadlock. Travolta’s superior coolness (back then, not now. Dear Lord not now) squeaks him past Swayze.

EDGE: “Summer Nights.”

FINAL FOUR

1. The Beach Boys vs. 5. “Midsummer”

If I’m gonna cruise down to the beach with my summer bros, I’m sure as hell not going to blast Shakespeare-on-tape.

EDGE: Beach Boys.

11. “The Sandlot” vs. 2. “Summer Nights”

The 11-year-old boy in me has to go “Sandlot.” I mean, I don’t want anybody to think of me as a can’t-hack-it pantywaist who wears my mama’s bra. An L-7 Weenie, if you will.

EDGE: “Sandlot.”

CHAMPIONSHIP

1. The Beach Boys vs. 11. “The Sandlot”

The Beach Boys are everything summer is supposed to be. But “The Sandlot” has everything you really want summer to have: baseball, fireworks, carnivals, public pools, a stereotypical group of ragtag friends, James Earl Jones and lots of contrived-yet-meaningful feel-good moments. And that’s why it will live on in our memories for-e-ver, for-e-ver, for-e-ver...

CHAMP: “The Sandlot.”

MVP: Squints.