Grove’s Special Dinner

Guy: Hang on, I have to go take tequila shots with my dad...

Girl, to her friend: I want to be used for my sexuality, not for my personality. I have friends for that.

Friend: Obviously!

Curly-haired brunette, after the tequila shots: I love the word ‘sassy.’ It’s so glorious. And ‘snarky.’ So great. It’s like snotty and saucy had babies.

Exotic Erotic

Girl wearing a bath towel: Sometimes small boobs are hotter, like right now. They’re just like, “Hey. Pokin’ out a little.”

Girl wearing two scarves, tied less than securely: I have the hiccups! I can’t walk when I have the hiccups, I get terrible stomach cramps!

Guy wearing another scarf: Well, baby, I’d carry you if I were, you know, wearing actual clothes.

Girl, confidently: I know.

Guy wearing a toga: My feet are large, but I’m in charge. Let’s set the record straight.

Girl wearing... not much: Look! You can see my boob freckle!

Chi Theta Chi

Guy wearing a bowler hat approaches two girls wearing sundresses: You all... you all look like you’re coming straight out of a 1964 Sock Hop. But you know what? You know what? It works. You two look like soul vixens.

Guy waiting for GirlTalk to come on stage: This is terrible. I feel like a sardine.

Girl 1: Yeah, but at least sardines have olive oil.

Girl 2: Eww, don’t remind me of Exotic Erotic’s dance floor...

Post-GirlTalk, guy eating pho:’Throw some D’s on that bitch’ — that song’s about cars? I thought D’s stood for like... penises.