“I just picture them without teeth.”

“A lot of babies when they are born, even if they are fully and honorably male, can produce milk. When I was born, I had milk coming out of my nipples. My mother asked the 1950s doctor if this was OK, and he sort of hushed it up...”

“There’s Mars, and every time it’s gonna do another whooooo! This is what really freaked Plato out.”

“Dude, I’m not your bra.”

“Scholars debate the question of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.”

“If you’re going to ban Descartes, you’d think you could ban Hitler.”

“He kept a dwarf, for example.”

“He didn’t mention his artificial nose. Made of silver.”

“We don’t want to talk about sexual difference?”

“Can I go to the bathroom, like, really fast?”

“Enjoy.”

“You could just walk around with this smug air of superiority. That’d be the best part.”

“It’d be more like let’s look at themes. Naaaarrhhh!”

“That’s a good title.”

“My intelligence is so validated right now.”

“It’s soooo big! I don’t know how I’ll finish.”

“That would be sexual harassment.”

“Yeah, I know. I like it like that.”

“You can have student dolls and stick pins in them...”

“If we asked Plato, he’d say ‘Oh, these kids today!’ or whatever it would be in Greek.”

“Every song I’d ever heard on the radio was or is about the universal writing requirement, because it’s such a trauma.”

“You called the Education Department? No, honey. They call us — and we don’t even return their phone calls.”