“I affectionately call this room ‘crap hole.’ It is so low tech... even these lights are candles.”

“Because I’m so hot. Remember I’m talking thermally here.”

“I like to steal the purses of old ladies.”

“Can I have a snack-sized packet of you to take to class tomorrow?”

“I still have your fetus in my freezer.”

“Really, you only charge 30 cents? Sounds like you’re making a copy.”

“Do you get cataplexy from the pleasure of being stroked?”

“I want someone in the back row to bring a pin to class on Monday to drop after I tell a story.”

“What’s in that flask?”

“President Hennessy will be glad to refund you $100 for this class. I’ll email him.”

“I love brain. Braaaaaaaain.”

“Someone has a question!”

“What do we do?!”

“Hide!”

“My wife and I got in the habit of saying ‘satisfactory’ whenever one of us did something wonderful, such as having a baby.”

“Which one did that?”

“The big news is, there are people who don’t think.”

“Not all in one bed. I sometimes forget to say that.”

“That’s how I got to be known as the meanest professor on the Stanford campus.”

“Women are more likely to be absent.”

“I’m not an expert on itching ears.”

“None of you guys are in porn...that I know of.”

“This is the massaging to make it work well.”