“He was sitting there bleeding to death as I was talking.”

“It’s hard to tell what’s going on at every college and high school in the nation, but I can tell you right now — not much!”

“That was a magnificent yawn, I have to say.”

“I went into a bathroom and stood staring at the wall, as men do . . . “

“I hope no one in this room is being psychoanalyzed.”

“It takes special people to do special things. How profound.”

“Do you ever switch sides with your partner? No. You feel weird.”

“I had this fantasy of doing stuff to my daughter when she was born.”

“No one likes to read about asexuals.”

“Can we put calculus to bed?”

“Every day I tell my circuits to transconduct, because I’m too afraid to tell them to love.”

“Suicide missions are quite suicidal.”

“That was profound. I think I’ll put you in class stalker.”

“I’ve already got enough stalkers.”

“Of course I’ll be his dream, I’ll be his wish. And I am his fantasy!”

“Our morals fail just like dominoes, one after another.”

“She eats?”

“Two and a half weeks and we’re breaking up, kids, so we better make the most of this little spring fling we got going on.”

“That’s what I would say if I laid an egg.”

“The best pick-up line is ‘Hi.’”

“Two people showed up to my party. I was not one of them.”

“I was not man enough to say it hurt.”

“There’s an aura of sexiness about topology.”

“First of all, she was having illicit sex, and that’s exemplary.... Illicit sex is the ultimate goal.”

“We should just start discussing K-Y Jelly.”