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NewsvineThe creation of one’s profile is an art (or maybe a science), and one has to be careful what one puts on there, as one may be judged. Many students put hours into the creation of their profile. Some don’t. And some students need some assistance with their profile, so everyone else takes them seriously. I think we’re only a few years away from the rise of “Facebook consultants” (a nice alternative to McKinsey) who will “assist Facebook users on profile solutions.”
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When I am Facebook-stalking someone, I want the experience to be enjoyable. Some students, though, put things in their profile that ruin the experience for me and hundreds of other Facebook stalkers. As a public service, I offer up these tips and tricks (but mostly, just I-am-judging-you remarks) for the greater good.
The first place I look is books. I’m not an English major, but I think books tell the most about a person, whether they know it or not. It’s also a place of grievous sins. Stanford’s aggregate top 10 is populated by books everyone read in sophomore-year high-school English, suggesting that no one has read anything after that. “Crime and Punishment,” “1984” and “To Kill A Mockingbird” are examples of this. Over 500 students list “Catcher in the Rye,” but I’m not really sure why. The rest of the top 10 is a bizarre assortment: “Ender’s Game,” “Lord of the Rings,” “The Fountainhead.” The dorkiness is not so bad, but really people? Ayn Rand?
“Pride and Prejudice” also features heavily among the female population. Mr. Darcy is not real, ladies, and you won’t find him any more easily by putting the book in your profile. I’m also not sure why techies find it funny to list their electrical engineering textbook of choice, but it’s not. It also suggests that you haven’t read a novel in years, which is not something to be proud of.
Favorite Movies is also a location of great potential sin. Testosterone dominates here. “Fight Club,” “Pulp Fiction,” “The Departed” and “Gladiator” are all in the top five. Are females also listing these movies? Males emphasizing their masculinity seem to have taken the unfortunate tack of also including Samuel L. Jackson aphorisms in their quotes section. No need, gentlemen. Additionally, I’m not sure why some people list movies either a) ironically or b) a movie from their childhood they have not seen in a decade. Examples of this are “Godzilla” and “The Little Mermaid.” You don’t actually like Godzilla. You just want to think that you’re snarky and witty enough to “like” Godzilla. But you aren’t.
Then there are the people who feel the compulsive need to show how intellectual and high-minded they are by remarking “I don’t watch TV.” If you don’t watch TV, just don’t list anything under “Favorite TV shows.” The listing of guilty pleasures, within reason, is highly encouraged: “Gilmore Girls” yes, “Fear Factor” no.
Lastly, there’s music. Some people list 40 bands, in alphabetical order, straight from iTunes. Not necessary. The best, though, is when people list “anything” or even better, “anything but county.” What, High School Musical is okay and “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” is not? Seriously? Also, the indie trendsters who only list bands that no one else has heard of — ridiculous.
The worst Facebook habit ever is in the “Activities” section. Due to its nature, there’s a potential for extreme abuse. Some people list every single activity they are involved with or ever have been. This is a no-go. I don’t think anyone cares if you were Assistant Editor at SURJ your freshman year. And you shouldn’t either. “Homework” is not an activity, unless you enjoy doing homework even when it’s not for class. Listing lots of activities doesn’t make you look busy or accomplished. Instead, you look like a tool.
I can’t say that even I follow all these commandments. It takes strength to admit grievous error and move to correct it. Maybe one day I’ll even be stalking you.