From ages zero to four, I don’t really remember much, just a blur here and a smudge there. Life at its beginning stages is vague and ill-formed, both in memory and in fact.

The first clear recollection (at least first with a time stamp) is the closing ceremony for the 1984 Olympic games. There were fireworks.

Even at the tender age of five I had a worldview. Possibly not a smart or reasoned one, but it was definitely there and, moreover, I knew the future.

I dreamt of being a pilot. Flying superfast jets in between racing superfast cars. I think everything was red as well (though I’m not sure why).

Today, though, things are different. I don’t fly jets (glasses and colour-blindness made joining the RAF a non-starter) and, although my car is red, I’m usually the annoying chap edging nervously along, well under the speed limit and stopping every few seconds to check that the road is still there.

Still, my dreams of speed were fleeting. A transitory goal, as it were. And, as the years went by, I set my sights on other, loftier (though ground-based) targets.

From six to 10 (well actually I kind of still think about this one, but it’s sort of embarrassing to admit that in print), I longed for wishes.

Well, not so much “longed for,” as assumed that at any moment a genie would be arriving to grant me a triplet of desires.

The wishes of choice varied as time went by, but the overarching themes were power, grace and style. I would ask for wealth, superpowers (obviously) and knowledge.

Today, though, things are different. No genies have come. No wishes have been granted. And while I pray (to a God that doesn’t exist) for a little luck, I no longer believe in it.

It was 11, 12 and early teenage years that set me more firmly in the realm of reality. I started to contemplate life as lawyer for a few years, followed by a move to the business world and control of a corporate empire.

Siv-Corp (inspired by Lex Luthor, no less) was going to be the greatest company the world had ever seen. We would control everything. Trillions would pour into our coffers and we would use it to build a new, better world.

Today, though, things are different. I still want the world (who doesn’t), but Siv-Corp rarely crosses my mind. My interest in the law extends only as far as the sandwiches in the Law School and the thought of corporate life makes me feel slightly ill.

Fourteen. That was when the career path was truly laid down. I was going to be a scientist. Whilst there had been leanings previously (like when I created a new substance with my chemistry set at the tender age of 11), 14 was when I stopped looking for other things to do.

Of course, I was going to be Einstein. And Gauss (well that one was only after I heard of him). And Pasteur. And every other great man and woman to grace the world of science.

Today, though, things are different. Today I’m happy if I understand another line in a textbook. I’m delirious when something gets published. And I’ll probably reach the pinnacle of Homo Sapiens joy if I manage to get a postdoc when I finish.

Teenage years are also where I started to form the rest of my worldviews. Puberty convinced me that girls were not, in fact, icky, so I decided I was going to be a 20th century Casanova. A brief side career as a porn star was contemplated and much material was studied to this end.

Today, though, things are different. I didn’t actually get laid until the 21st century, so that whole Casanova thing never panned out — strangely, women didn’t throw themselves at slightly awkward, spindly math majors whilst I was at university.

As for the porn star plan... well, let’s just say that puberty ended and I realized that nothing was going to grow any bigger.

Those barren years in college were when the bitterness set in. I swiftly realized that since I was no Newton and no Don Juan, I needed a life philosophy to match.

Religion had been ditched a long time previously; now I removed everything else that had no basis in reason. Anything mystical was rejected — no Karma, no fate and no destiny. Love, too, got the sack — after all, how can you believe in what you’ve never seen?

The disposal of the fantastic was complemented by a new embrace of rationality. Anything and everything that was experienced (externally or internally) either had an explanation from logic, or was not.

Topping off the above was contempt. Everything conventional was worthless — families and children, settling for less and settling down, the end of ambition and stopping the relentless pursuit for glory. All of that deserved nothing more than a sneer.

Anyone who would mortgage their future for some temporary stab at contentment had failed. Success meant winning completely or, at least, never ceasing to fight for the top.

Today, though, things are different. I still hold fast to rationality and have huge doubts about the mystical. It is as close to faith as I am likely to ever get. However, the conviction is not there anymore.

Maybe finding a niche in society and stopping there is not so bad. Perhaps glory and its pursuit are not the only roads. In fact, I suppose, this is the point. Nothing is certain anymore.

Last weekend, I thought nothing would sate me short of certain intellectual immortality.

Today, though, things are different. I’m not so sure anymore.

Vote. No really, it’s important. Also email navins@stanford.edu with comments if you have any.