Welcome to the first installment of Stanford Facebook Stalker, where The Daily saves you the time and trouble of browsing Facebook all day long in order to find those priceless quotes, away messages and other assorted jewels by conveniently compiling them all right here for you instead. So now, you won’t have any excuse just to do your reading for class tonight, right?

“Did you realize we’re dating roommates? No really, we are. Look at my relationship status.”

“How long has it been complicated with Cardboard Kat? That’s real creepy . . . considering that Cardboard Kat is now disintegrating somewhere under a lot of garbage slurry and old porno mags.”

“Rrrrr... Ooooo... Bbbbbb.... Llllllll.... Eeeeee You know who you want to be... Robleeee Robleeee.... SWAaaaaaa....”

“hola shnookems. so kidding. well yea, i have been pretty gosh darn busy.”

“i am marginally fond of puns and palindromes and the letter P. and saying ‘marginally’ ”

“if by sober you mean drunken, then ya . . . sober”

“Why does it matter if yall are across from the frat houses

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“is he seriously brushing the doll’s hair?!”

“i cant wait to come back winter quarter and run naked through your hall and scare the hell out of your frosh”

“i need to start going to psych early so I can sit with your fine ass.”

“I’m still crackin’ up over the fact that you put your dirty laundry in the drier before the washer!!! That was definitely the highlight of doing my laundry today:)”