Classics

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“I do. Ah-oooooooooh-ah!”

- Blond guy in khakis and rainbows, getting in the face of his shorter friend in a grey sweatshirt

“No seriously, he’s hot, make out with him, walk away, and never see him again.”

- Captain Obvious in the blue polo shirt

“I fuckin’ need to find that freshman I kissed last year.”

- Whoever chose to attend FMOTQ in a skirt and a paper bag

“Do you happen to live in J-Ro? This guy kisses like a god!”

- The guy with the big, friendly smile . . . and “Dorm Bingo” card

Social Lubrication

“This guy here? He’s the smartest guy in the Quad. If you think you’re smarter, suck his dick. Suck mine too . . . ”

- Slurred by decidedly inebriated guy trying very hard to be a freshman

“I’m not chasing you — you’re drunk, you’re running all sideways.”

- Girl in sparkly green shirt walking a little funny herself

“Sobriety RULES! Sober! Sober! Sober!”

- Guy in pink-striped polo shirt and horribly clashing red bandana

Getting Freaky

“It’s robotics.”

“Yes! Yes!”

- Nerdy couple discussing academics on the outskirts, the male inexplicably sporting a Greek letter sweatshirt and the female with a naturally orgasmic voice

“When the Band comes out, I want to kiss the conductor.”

- Girl in sparkling white angel get-up

“I don’t know about this, this is kinda sketchy.”

“You’re in my chem class.”

“ . . . THAT was sketchy.”

- Jock onbike talking to his friends as a girl in white cropped pants pushes past them

And Finally . . .

To Mr. “I Dig Chicks Who Take Notes”

- At least now you know my name