Does Stanford offer an anthropology course on Halloween? No? Well, we should. It’s remarkable how one day can capture the imagination of so many people despite how its original significance is lost on most of us. What’s even more remarkable is what our observation of Halloween entails, from big business to drunken debauchery. In all likelihood it would take a collegiate anthropology course to really understand Halloween, so instead of talking out of my ass and offending Celts campus-wide, I’ll just share some personal opinions, musings, and tips to consider as we close in on the 31st.

Vulcanized Rubber > Candy Corn

If you want to make a lasting impression on trick-or-treaters both young and old, be creative in your treat selection. One of the highlights of my trick-or-treating career remains receiving a hockey puck instead of the standard bar of chocolate. Actually, I believe the cranky old man was aiming for my head, but the point still stands.

It’s Surprisingly Tough to Find Bling

This past Thursday a friend asked if I’d be interested in going to the Mausoleum Party dressed as the notoriously crunk rapper/producer, Lil John. Figuring it would be reasonably easy to procure the requisite bling, I agreed. Three hours and four stores later, we found what we were looking for. That’s about two hours and three stores too many.

The House of Humor

Still looking for a costume? Not feeling like spending three hours shopping for one? Visit The House of Humor. That’s where I found my bling. I am forever indebted.

Pirates and Ninjas and Bands, Oh My!

If you want to be trendy, dress as a pirate. If you want to be staunchly un-trendy, be a ninja. If you enjoy shameless self-promotion, add my band on MySpace: myspace.com/pirateandninja.

Campus Halloween Parties = Lame

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Not much, you?”

“Not much. What are you?”

“A pirate. What are you?”

“Bored.”

Forget “Thriller”

My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless is the only music you need for a good Halloween party.

….OK, fine, Loveless and “Thriller.”

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown: Better With Age

For some reason I find this more entertaining every year. A lot of today’s TV shows claim they appeal to both children and adults, but honestly, I think the balance this special strikes is damn near unbeatable.

Saying, “Wow, That’s a Really Convincing Cop Outfit.”

Yeah, don’t.

Grad Students Need Not Dress Up

Dissss.