Stanford may not have the best pedigree when it comes to producing presidential candidates (Kerry, Bush, Clinton, Bush Sr.... must have something to do with the inspiring New Haven countryside), but that doesn’t mean we don’t have our mind on Washington. Just think: the talkative girl in your IR section could be the next Hillary, and the guy who falls asleep in the back of PoliSci 1 lectures might just be Reagan incarnate. And you. Were you student body president? Are you a people person? Ready to take J.F.K.’s words to heart and do what you can for your country? I hope the following soundtrack inspires you at every step along the way.

1. The Campaign Trail

Arguably the toughest part of any political career is convincing other people that you’re fit for the job, especially as a first-time candidate. Go for the all-American artists that radiate warmth, fuzziness and patriotism — like Bruce Springsteen. This will act as a magnet for people over the age of 55, or anyone registered with the AARP. To get the young, idealistic college student’s vote, insist that you plan on revolutionizing society, first by eradicating poverty in your region. Use the hip Sri Lanken rapper MIA’s song “Pull Up The People” to show that not only are you “down” with the kids’ music, but that you truly care about supporting independent artists.

2. Victory

Hey! Way to go. You (hopefully) won the election. Breathe deeply, take a bubble bath and celebrate. Any traditional song played at a wedding, bar/bat mitzvah or baseball stadium will do, for example: “Twist and Shout” by The Beatles, “We Are the Champions” by Queen, “The Cha-Cha Slide” by Casper/Colta...

3. Workin’ For The Man

After the party’s over, your slow-twitch muscles have to kick in. You could be stuck with this job for a while, so it’s important to eat lots of lean protein and drink Gatorade to keep up your endurance. “The Distance,” by Cake, will keep you motivated right from the starting line. Ready to race, but don’t know where to begin? I’d recommend downloading the entire School House Rocks soundtrack, with particular emphasis on “I’m Just A Bill.” School House Rocks will take you up to about a fourth grade understanding of the American government, though it may take a little more work to get you to this level of English grammar.

4. Oops... I did it again.

Oh, silly politicians. It’s pretty difficult these days to keep a clean record with the nosy media and modern technologies. We all know what can happen with White House interns (“Let’s Get It On” — Marvin Gaye), but even seemingly innocent burglaries of the Democratic National Committee headquarters can get blown out of proportion (“Mission: Impossible” movie theme). As much as we would like to hold our nation’s leaders to a higher standard, we must come to terms with your humanity and propensity to royally screw things up. However, this doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. You have two courses of action:

4A. Deny, Deny, Deny

There’s a chance that if you tell enough people a rose-tinted version of events, you will begin to believe it yourself. Then at least your case will be more convincing. The song that fits this particular path like a wetsuit is Shaggy’s classic “It Wasn’t Me.” Did they catch you on the counter, in the shower, on camera? Repeat after Bill: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Or the more universal Tom DeLay: “I have violated no law, no rule, no regulation of the House.” No matter what you’ve done, there will always be someone who’s denied having done it before in American politics.

4B. Acknowledge and Apologize

Owning up to the truth will make you sleep better at night, and with enough evidence, may be the inevitable outcome of path 4A anyway. After holding confession with the American public, you’ll need to ask for forgiveness. Say you’re sorry in several languages like Madonna in “Sorry” to cover all of your bases. If that’s too direct, apologize in stages like Badly Drawn Boy’s “I Was Wrong” and “You Were Right.” In the end, a constituency will be more likely to reelect an honest candidate than one who is incredibly suspicious. Which leads us to the final step of the process...

5. End of the term, considering reelection?

All good things must come to an end, with your term as a public servant being no exception. You should probably take a vacation or two (“Holiday” — Weezer) to clear your mind before deciding whether or not to give it another shot. Think you’ve had enough fun with American politics for one lifetime? It may be time to, na na na na, hey hey hey, kiss it goodbye. If you think you’ve got what it takes for reelection, though, at least you’ll know what you’re getting yourself into. The music video for Ok Go’s “Here It Goes Again” sums it up nicely. As a politician, you might be working incredibly hard only to feel like you’re going nowhere, like running on a treadmill. Of course, we can’t all have the stamina and wisdom of The West Wing’s President Bartlett, but CJ even made it to Chief of Staff as a Cal grad. At least we’re all starting off on the right foot.