To say that the “Star-Spangled Banner” is overplayed would be an understatement. I mean play a song at every sporting event, Kindergarten graduation and president’s funeral and what do you expect? Reminds me of that time in fourth grade I bought The Offspring’s “Americana” album with my friends and listened to “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” over and over until we all passed out in a fit of pre-pubescent glee.

Like all people who say things that are vaguely un-patriotic, nobody loves America more than me. I just think that celebrating this great country of ours is better done by music that doesn’t bore me to tears. Basically the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” reminds me of America about as much as Christmas reminds me of a brain tumor. Or is it how much cereal reminds me of Ronald Regan? Democracy and pontoon boats? Dick Cheney reminds me of Jesus? Ear muffs/wax and tartar sauce? So I’ve come up with a list of songs about America that don’t betray the very freedoms they celebrate:

Simon & Garfunkle’s “America” is a prime example. You’re getting in your car with your box of belongings ready to like, I dunno, cash in on the American dream. What’s more patriotic than that?

Tom Petty’s “American Girl.” If I were a girl I would closely identify with this song. Sort of like everyone on facebook identifies with Holden in “The Catcher in the Rye.” I’m Holden alright, and that’s final you bunch of phonies. Plus, my friend looks a lot like Tom Petty, and he would be really offended if this song didn’t make the list.

The Guess Who’s “American Woman.” Though it’s a song about how evil American women are, perhaps a patriotic message can be found in the fact that . . . American women are free to be evil. Petty’s nice “American Girl” all grown up.

Don McLean’s “American Pie.” I suppose that people who are concerned with actual song lyrics might think that this song is meaningless. But they’re wrong. There is some deeply rooted patriotic message in driving one’s Chevy to a levee only to discover, to one’s chagrin, that said levee is dry.

Jimi Hendrix’s “The Star Spangled Banner (live).” Unequivocally the best rendition of that tired classic — so good it’s actually included on the list designed to replace it.

The Cedermont Kids’ “Yankee Doodle.” Whoa, whoa . . . just kidding. For a second there I though this was the ‘Songs-to-drive-people-to-suicide-Clockwork-Orange-Style’ list. But it’s not, so be cool.

Ray Charles’ “America The Beautiful.” Have you seen “The Sandlot?” This song is all baseball and fireworks and hotdogs. It makes you feel like you’re Smalls, and for once you’re not killing anyone.