Senior Charlie Stockman and junior Matthew Henick are not merely writers for Stanford’s humor magazine, The Chaparral, but they are also self-described “lifetime politicians.” Their irreverent campaign is aimed at undermining the stuffy insider atmosphere often associated with the Undergraduate Senate. However, when they spoke to The Daily, it was clear that their foray into politics had not caused them to lose their sense of humor. Stockman is running for president and Henick for vice president. Some of their ideas — plus a videogame involving shooting pizzas at current ASSU Vice President Joey Natoli — can be found on the Web at http://www.stanford.edu/~stockman/election/everyman.html.

The Daily: First of all, why are

you running?

Charlie Stockman: We think we represent students that aren’t being represented by other slates. It’s tough to have to go through this every year because people say we’re on a “Chappie Slate,” but Chappie people are politically minded, and we care about the school. We actually consider ourselves the grad student slate because we’re both co-term students.

Matthew Henick: We’ve also mentioned before vaguely that it’s in our blood. Our great-grandfathers actually founded the ASSU. Over the past 70 years it’s been dragged through the mud and we think it’s about time it was restored to its rightful owners.

TD: Charlie, you ran last year for ASSU vice president and lost. What is going to be different this year?

MH: He’s going to win this year.

CS: Yeah, you don’t run twice and lose, I said that before. As seriously as I took it last year, I’m going to take it that much more seriously this year.

MH: You can’t see it on the tape recorder, but his sleeves are rolled up, I think that’s important to note.

TD: What do you think of the job the ASSU has done this year and in

past years?

MH: They’ve done a job, everyone does a job, but nothing ever really gets done. My great-grandfather set the system in place and it was pretty self-sufficient. You can put some sprinkles on top like Absolute Fun and the book exchange, which have been pretty good, but nothing ever really changes.

CS: We were going to say that we think Absolute Fun, it’s pretty dangerous. I don’t think people can take fun in its absolute form. It was a pretty serious high, that Cold Stone ice-cream night, but the down afterwards; people just plummeted.

MH: I almost went into insulin shock.

TD: What about experience? What past leadership experience has given you the confidence to be ASSU leaders? You mentioned that maybe it is in the blood. Do you have any other, non-genetic examples?

CS: A lot of people don’t know, but I was the real Senior Class President, I designed all the Pub Night schedules. I also play on the lacrosse team, and that will help me represent the Club Sports group. And Henick, he’s actually the provisional president of the Stanford Democrats.

MH: It is true. It’s very hard to lead the Democrats, especially provisionally. I am a lifetime politician, I was forced to go into it in elementary school. I promised my second-grade class a carnival, and I won. That carried on into junior high where I promised my class a soda machine, with grape soda.

TD: What issues are you guys going to focus on? For example, everyone always says that they are going to be the ones to bring student groups together.

MH: Everyone always says that. We

actually have a list of things to go over, like student groups and cost of living.

CS: I think that no one has ever thought that it costs money to live here as students, so I think we’re going to blow the campaign open right there. Also, student space is an issue.

MH: And accountability, responsibility, communications, transparency, diversity and minority.

CS: We’re going to have splinter branches for all these things, like

Bush’s Department of Homeland Se-

curity. What else, how about resumes?

MH: Resumes, yes, this is a very important issue for the campaign. We are very insistent that by winning, it will not only help our resumes but all the resumes of the students who vote for us.

CS: We’re going to make each and every student a co-president in the ASSU.

TD: You said earlier that you did not

like to be referred to as the “Chappie Slate.” How do you plan on avoiding

that association?

MH: I don’t like that insinuation, per-

sonally. We’re here to represent the graduate student interests and the club sports interests, so if it happens to help the humor magazine along the way, so be it.

CS: We can’t escape it. We’re funny and we’re charming — that’s why we’re on The Chappie. That’s all going to come out, but it’s not the only thing we represent.

TD: Is there anything else you would like to say to voters?

CS: Oh yeah, we forgot, like, the num

ber one issue of this campaign. Don’t

miss this. We are going to

guarantee the capture of the “Serial Groper.” We are going to search for him through every cat house, dog house and whore house on this campus. And anyone who is caught harboring the Serial Groper or any of his minions of inappropriateness, then they will bear the full brunt

of punishment.

MH: We might give him an honorary degree. We’ll smoke him out with an honorary degree.

CS: And when he shows up to get it, we’ll nab him.